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Patient & Carer Stories

Here's Gary's story told by his wife Karen...

In February 2024, Gary was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. The doctors had given him one to three years to live, and he underwent rounds of chemotherapy and radiotherapy. Then in December, the family received the news that the cancer had spread to his brain. At this point, Gary was given less than 12 months to live.

Karen and Gary

Following this devastating news, the family decided to go big at Christmas, with 17 family members getting together for lunch followed by a big New Year’s Eve party. Gary was young at heart, and his family described him as "nearly 70, but going on 55", so he embraced the celebrations which the family hoped would take their minds of the devastating situation.

Gary always used humour to get through difficult times. When his driving licence was taken away due to the illness, his children bought him a tiara which he proudly wore in the passenger seat whenever he had a lift somewhere. When his sister-in-law Tracy worked from his house for 18 months to support him and her sister Karen, Gary's wife, he would joke that Tracy was his PA.

At the start of 2025, the family were referred to St Peter's Hospice. Karen and Gary's extended family was large and provided them with lots of support during the illness. At that time, it was felt the family were able to cope without St Peter's support, thanks to the strength and size of their wider family. Even so, St Peter's continued to check in.

Until the summer, Gary received more treatment and went for routine scans. These brought hopeful news, showing that most of the cancer in his brain had gone. At the end of the summer, the second scan, however, told a very different story. Sadly, the cancer had spread across his brain and there was nothing further the doctors could do. At this point, Gary was given just six to eight weeks to live. Karen and their children - Georgia and Bradley, put their jobs on hold to become his carers.

In July, St Peter's entered the family's lives again. Gary was adamant he didn't want to be in hospital, and St Peter's helped to make sure he could stay at home. The team supported the family to complete the relevant paperwork, engaged the district nurses and helped set up a room downstairs in Gary and Karen's home as Gary could no longer get up the stairs.

Karen and Gary

Whilst Gary was accepting of the support from St Peter's, he was initially against the idea of being referred to the Inpatient Unit at the Hospice in Brentry. Karen and Tracy decided to take him along to the coffee morning at the Hospice and when he arrived, he said, "You're not leaving me here, are you?". By the end of the visit, he had signed up to the Living Well programme at the Hospice. Reflecting on the visit, Karen said: "He enjoyed the cake in the café so much I think he wanted another chance to get back up there for more. All the staff and volunteers were just so kind to us, it gave him a different perspective on the Hospice."

The family then started having visits from St Peter's Palliative Care Support Workers twice a day. Karen said: "Those visits lightened the mood. The support workers loved Gary's humour - they'd be taking the mickey out of each other all the time." In early September, Gary started to take a turn for the worse, but the support workers continued to support the family. “The support workers really lifted Gary's spirits when they were there," said Karen. "They always made sure the kids and I were OK too. They'd make us cups of tea and would just sit and chat to us and answer any of our questions. We felt safe when they were in the house, and we got to know them, it was like they were a part of the family."

The family were spending a lot of time with Gary through the nights, and whilst they have a big family and felt able to give him that support, they were exhausted. That's when the St Peter's night support workers stepped in to help. “I remember one night when we thought it was the end," said Karen, “The support worker popped her head around the door, observed Gary and said, 'He's not going anywhere, you should all go and get some sleep.' He carried on fighting for nearly a whole week."

During those final weeks, Gary had become less responsive. Each morning and evening, the support workers would provide personal care and make sure he was comfortable. It was often during this time that he would open his eyes again. The support worker would always call Karen at this point, to make sure she could come in and have her morning and evening kiss with her husband. The support workers would joke, "It's time to pucker up for Karen". Karen said, “I’d look forward to that moment every day."

One of the support workers taught Karen how to provide appropriate mouthcare to Gary. She showed Karen which items to use and how to brush his teeth for him. Brushing Gary's teeth became Karen's ritual every morning and evening. She joked, "I had to make sure he had fresh breath for my morning and evening kiss!"

Karen and Gary

Tracy, who slept on the sofa for eight days straight, so she could be with the family, said: "I was waking up like clockwork at 2am and 4am every night, and would always go and check on Gary. When the night support worker was there with him, you'd just see her talking to him softly and reassuring him. She was comforting him. It was almost magical."

On 11th September, Gary passed away with his family by his side. The support workers gave the family time to just be with him, whilst also being there for each of them. Karen said, "After he'd passed away the support workers worked with Karen to clean him and put his new clothes on. They really looked after him and they asked me how I wanted to be involved. Nothing was rushed and I even managed to find moments of laughter with them. Everyone outside the room was wondering what was going on in there."

When Karen returned to the Hospice this year to use the bereavement service and bumped into the support workers who'd cared for Gary, they stopped to ask how she was. She couldn't believe they remembered her.

Karen said, "The support workers were like guardian angels. And the 24/7 Advice Line was a lifeline. I was often quite distressed when I would call them, and whoever I spoke to, they always managed to calm me down and reassure me. St Peter's is like a giant safety blanket - they wrap you up and make you feel like everything's OK, even when it isn't."

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